Open by Christmas
2021
Director: David Weaver
Writers: Amy Kaderali and Christine Condrat
Stars: Alison Sweeney, Erica Durance, Brennan Elliot, Michael Karl Richards, and Miguel Castillo as "Treyton"
Where to Watch: Stack TV
Review Overview
Holiday score: 3
Yeah, it happens around Christmas and they do Christmasy things, but one of the characters gives his fiancee a house for Christmas. A house!!! That's just stupid.
Romance score: 7
While this is another "girl from the big city goes back to her home town and finds love" story, the main premise is different and interesting. The characters annoy me, but not any more than other holi-rom-coms.
Comedy score: -10
No, no, no. It has the standard terrible, TERRIBLE jokes that are never funny in any holi-rom-com.
The Full Review
Today I am reviewing the movie Open by Christmas. Do you love a good mystery? I love a good mystery. They often start with a shocking crime that can only be solved by our brilliant hero. They have a cast of interesting suspects. The story takes a few good twists and turns as we learn what really happened and why. Man, there are few things better that a good who-dunnit. Unfortunately, Open by Christmas is nothing like a good who-dunnit. Well, it’s a who-dunnit in the same way an empty peanut shell is still a peanut.
First, let’s start with our brilliant hero. Nicky Beaton, played by Allison Sweeny, is a big shot efficiency guru who lives in the big city. OK, junior detectives, tell me what happens next? Will she roam the big city streets to find love? No, that’s a crime in most countries. Will she roam her office looking for love? No, that might have worked in 1984, but in 2024, that’s called harassment. Will she leave the big city, get stuck in a small town, and fall for the local Christmas tree barber? No, but now I know the plot to my next book. Will she return to her home town and find love in the arms of a man should doesn’t remember? Ding, ding, ding. If you guessed the last one, you are a true sleuth.
Yes, Nicky heads home to spend Thanksgiving with her parents only to find out they plan on selling her childhood home so they can downsize and retire…in the same town. Of course Nicky agrees to stay and help her parents pack…until Christmas. Dang, Nicky must be killing it in the big city. To be able to take a full month off at the drop of a hat.
Next, let’s review the crime. While rummaging through her old high school texts books (yes Nicky was such a nerd that she kept her old text books), Nicky finds a Christmas card stuck between the pages. The twist is that Nicky has never seen this card before and when she reads it, it turns out to be a love letter from a secret admirer. Dun, dun, dun!!! Nicky shows the card to her best friend, Simone Cole, played by Erica Durance, who pushes Nicky to find the secret admirer and demand to know why they didn’t have the guts to share his love with Nicky to her face, like a real man. Actually, that’s not right. “Real men” don’t share their feelings, they bury their feelings deep inside to let them fester over time.
Nicky and Simone spend the movie trying to find the guy who wrote the card and did his best to ensure she would never find it. Are all the guys from their graduating class still live in their home town? Of course they are. Does the card have hints that lead Nicky and Somone on a wild goose chase? Of course it does. Will you guess who the guilty party is at exactly 22-minute into the movie? Yes you will. Even my dog figured it out. She was sleeping beside me when she saw the dude come on screen and she said, “He did it. He’s guilty.” And she went back to sleep. Finally, should you watch Open by Christmas to figure out the mystery yourself? Um, maybe, but not for the reason you would hope.
Holiday Score: 3
I may have given this movie a holi score of 3, but it actually has a ton of clues that it is a Christmas movie. It takes place in the time between American Thanksgiving and Christmas. There is snow. They make Christmas treats. They decorate a Christmas tree. They go to a Christmas concert that tries ends with a child read a touching poem. “I’m not crying, you’re crying.”
But I have a huge, HUGE beef with one Christmasy part of this movie. It has to do with a Christmas gift. Simone is engaged to Jeremy, played by Michael Karl Richards. This movie would have you believe Jeremy is this great guy, but he may be the worst character in this movie or any other Christmas movie. Why? Well, Simone is in love with a house a few blocks from where she lives and Jeremy buys it for her for Christmas. Seriously, he buys his fiancée a house as a gift. What the heck Jeremy!?! You are setting completely unrealistic expectations for women everyone. I can never let my wife watch this movie. It will make her question every gift I have ever given her or will ever give her. Who is so reckless to commit to a massive purchase without consulting their fiancée? Jeremy, that’s who. You may say, “Well, maybe he is rich and can buy it with cash.” Then I hate Jeremy even more. There I said it. And you know what? Jeremy doesn’t even answer when his mom calls. Do you need any more proof?
Romance Score: 7
Here’s a mystery movie twist, the romance score for this movie isn’t actually for the romance, but for other relationships in the movie. You say, “Whuuuut? You can’t do that.” I just did and hear me out. OK, the idea of searching for the author of a romantic Christmas card is a pretty good premise. Making it unbelievably obvious who the author is, nearly ruins the whole thing. That said, there was twist in the middle of the movie that made me say, “BEST…Holi-Rom-Com…EV”, but I was cut off when the movie chickened out and ruined the twist. Seriously, it was amazing and they almost immediately doubled back. It was like they realized how amazing it was and said, “Oh, my bad. This is a Hallmark movie.”
Anyway, what is more interesting is all of Simone’s relationship. Simone seems to have issues with basically everyone in this movie. She feels like she is losing touch with her son. She is mad about her fiancée taking her son’s side of an argument. She of course doesn’t get along with her soon-to-be mother-in-law. And she gets ticked with Nicky when she calls her out on something. Simone’s relationships and her growth through the movie is actually the most interesting part. Except for that ruined twist. It could have been amazing <sigh>.
Comedy Score: -10
You may say, “You can’t give a negative score. That can’t be right. Did they tell jokes that broke your heart and tore your soul apart?” Yes, yes it did. You know the little jokes that people say that are not funny, but they say them anyway? Not Dad jokes, those are amazing. These are the type of jokes where the only person laughing is the joke teller. Everyone else is searching for a spoon to carve out their dying heart. This movie has far too many of these jokes. At the risk of damaging your soul too, here are some examples.
Derrick to Jeremy, “Age before beauty bud.”
Nicky, “OK, now you have to take me home because I think my parents are going to sell my old math awards for their retirement trip around the world.”
Simone about her son, “That’s why I’ll never get to retire. He eats all the time.”
Derrick to Nicky about helping Jeremy buy the house, “the first time they called me they said they weren’t interested. But after that snow storm we had in October, they called again and said, ‘you know, I think we’re going to move to Phoenix.’” Followed by the fakest laughter ever.
Jeremy to Simone and Nicky about the drinks he made for them, “I hope I made them correctly. It’s been a while since I was a bartender.” He was never a bartender, is that why it’s funny?
Jeremy to Simone about the hors d’oeuvres at a party, “It’s like everyone is either on a starvation diet or is allergic to food that tastes good.”
Part of me wants to applaud this movie for attempting to bring the com to the holi-rom-com. But most of me wished I was watching this on a plane so I would have easy access to a barf bag.
Final Thoughts
If you are looking for a holi-rom-com with a plot like a Sherlock Holmes story...you should probably look somewhere else.
If you are looking for a holi-rom-com that is more of a holi-rom-dram…you know for drama instead of comedy...then you should watch Open by Christmas.
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