2019
Director: Marc Lawrence
Writers: Marc Lawrence
Staring: Anna Kendrick, Bill Hader, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Billy Eichner, Maceo Smedley, Shirley MacLaine and Burgess Jenkins as “Petco Dan”
See this movie if... you have been following along with my blog by watching each movie I review and you have started to crave something, anything truly good. Like when for a time my Mom bought us carob instead of chocolate. I would go to my friend’s house and raid their pantry for the real stuff. Please tell me you haven’t been watching everything I review. I’m doing this for you so you don’t have to experience all this pain.
Don't see this movie if...you don’t like Anna Kendrick which means you’re a monster. She’s a freaking national treasure and I love her...but it’s totally not a crush, it’s nothing. Unless Anna’s reading this then, call me or message me or whatever, it’s cool, you’re cool, what!?!
You might be asking yourself, “Wait, what!?! Whitney’s reviewing Noelle? But that’s not a holiday romance movie. That’s a straight up holi-com. That’s a holi-com with bigs stars! I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. I come to this blog every day to read funny takes on the worst holiday romance movies and maybe get a heads up on a couple of decent ones I can watch with my wife, mother, grand-mother or my uncle Bruce (you know you have an uncle that loves them). I want my entertaining review of a terrible holiday romance, you son of a nutcracker!”
My reply to you would first be, “Thank you for coming to my blog. I truly appreciate it.” My next thought would be, “No, you’re a son of a nutcracker. Now quitcherbellyachin and get ready for a holiday treat.“ How good of a holiday treat? Think of buttery shortbread or hot chocolate with whipped cream and crushed candy canes or a delicious gingerbread man with icing and Smartie buttons.
For my American friends who are unfamiliar with Canadian candy, you’re probably thinking I’m some sort of horrible candy monster putting Smarties on gingerbread. Well in Canada, Smarties are what M&Ms wish they could be. Smarties are what M&Ms would be if Americans knew how to make good chocolate. I know that’s hurtful, but someone had to say it and I think it’s fair. No one ever says, “I got you a special gift. It’s the fanciest American chocolate. It’s called a Snickers.” No, people say, “I brought you some delicious Swiss chocolate, but then I got tired of waiting for you to finish reading WhitStrong.com and ate it. Sorry, not sorry.”
While we are on the subject of candy-coated chocolate. Smarties are the second best candy-coated chocolate out there. Number one, by a large margin, is Cadbury Mini-eggs. Delicious Cadbury chocolate, crunchy candy outside and is that a hint of vanilla I smell? Mr. Easter Bunny, you can forget the full sized solid American chocolate bunny and instead give me a Costco sized bag of mini-eggs so I can regain my manly figure.
Plain M&Ms are the worst name brand candy-coated chocolate. I'll eat any other type of candy-coated chocolate before I'll touch plain M&Ms. If fact, when I was a kid at Halloween, I'd eat the candy corn and Rockets (Rockets are Canadian Smarties) then throw away the plain M&M's with the toothbrushes and raisins at the bottom of my bag.
Ok, where was I? Oh right, Noelle is a treat of a Christmas movie. How good is it? Well, I watched it in November and I am sure I’ll watch it again in December. This movie alone is worth the subscription to Disney+, at least for a month. I assume it will be a Christmas staple for years to come. I would even consider it for my top ten all-time Christmas movies, but like fine wine or cheese, neither of which I eat, it has to mature and age. If it ages well then it will join the ranks of Elf and A Charlie Brown Christmas. If it ages poorly then will will be dumped like Holiday Inn. You probably don’t know this movie because while it starred Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire (popular actors from even before my time) and it was the first movie to have the song White Christmas, it also had a delightful scene featuring blackface. Oh my.
Noelle is about a person named Noelle (Anna Kendrick). At least I think she is a person. She is part of the Claus family and we never really know if Santa is human or some alien who crashed on Earth many years ago. That would explain a lot. Maybe his sleigh is alien technology that allows him to travel so fast. It would also explain why a being of his girth can do so much in one night and not keel over dead after an hour. I get tired just writing these reviews. #FatFingersMakesTypingHardWork
Anyway, Noelle and her brother Nick (Bill Hader) are the daughter and son of the last Santa Claus, may Zorlock rest is soul (Zorlock is the god of Santa’s homeworld of Zlalalalalaladan). Nick’s job is to be the new Santa. Noelle’s job is to spread holiday cheer around the North Pole. The only problem is that Nick isn’t that keen on being the new Santa and ends up leaving the North Pole to “find himself”. Noelle, being the holiday cheer-meister, heads out to find him and help him regain his Christmas spirit.
Will Noelle find her brother in time to save Christmas? (Oh, I’m on the edge of my seat waiting to find out.) Will Noelle end up in some wacky situations? (We’d be disappointed if she didn’t!) Will Noelle crash her sleigh in Smalltown, USA, meet the extremely eligible local doctor who loves Christmas, but really wants to leave Smalltown to be a surgeon in the big city, but they spend a wonderful week skating, drinking hot chocolate and lighting the town Christmas tree so that Noelle learns how to truly love Christmas and the doctor learns that Smalltown needs him and he needs Noelle? (As much as I love cheesy Christmas romance movies, and you know I do, no thank you.) Will Anna Kendrick sing? (If she doesn’t then I’m gonna lose it and go straight to Hollywood to give Anna Kendrick a piece of my mind. Who am I kidding, I can’t be mad at Anna. I can always watch the Pitch Perfect trilogy again and again and again.)
You’ll have to watch to find out and you definitely should. What makes Noelle so great? First off, the actors are great. Have I mentioned that I love Anna Kendrick? Well, I do and I love Bill Hader and Billy Eichner too. Anna Kendrick brings her super cute charm to her character. Bill Hader is his usual funny and a little bit goofy self.
I will say that Billy Eichner isn’t the Billy I hoped he would be. His character in this movie is a little more subdued than the Billy on the Street. I blame that more on the writing or directing than Billy just mailing it in. He wouldn’t do that, he’s Billy freaking Eichner and for you to even suggest that makes me angry.
The second reason I loved this movie is the story. It’s different from other Christmas movies. Sure it’s about Santa and Christmas and all that. But there are some different twists to the usual Christmas story and they make this movie entertaining.
*** SPOILER ALERT ***
The next three paragraphs reveal whether Christmas is saved at the end of this movie. If you don’t want to know then skip them.
You’ve kept reading. I assume that's because you’ve watched more than one Christmas movie and you know that Christmas is always saved. ALWAYS! And actually that is what makes a Christmas movie involving Santa so difficult to do. How do you make the story entertaining enough that when Christmas is saved you feel satisfied? This movie does it and does it great. Sure, you may guess the ending early, but in this movie you still enjoy the ride.
For me the keys are the things I have already mentioned. It starts with a good story. This movie takes the Santa/Christmas storyline and twists it and adds to it and it feels different even though it is still Santa and it is still Christmas.
The next key is good characters that you enjoy watching and rooting for. I actually cared about Noelle and Nick. I wanted them to save Christmas. In some movies the characters are so boring or behave so oddly that when you see them wearing a red Christmas sweater, you wish it was a red Star Trek uniform because then you'd know they are going to get eaten when they land on Zlalalalalaladan.
*** SPOILER ALERT OVER***
The third reason I loved this movie was that my movie palette was aching for something good, anything good. After watching so many mediocre to terrible Christmas movies, I was so glad to watch something with humour, heart and loveable characters. I felt like I had been eating plain M&Ms for so long and I was given a box of Smarties. Next year I’ll decide if this movie ages well enough to qualify as a bag of Cadbury Mini-eggs.
IF are looking for a holiday romance movie...you’ll need to look somewhere else. But you should still watch this movie. You can catch a holiday romance movie anytime. Literally, I can turn on the W Network anytime and find one. Great holiday movies like this don’t come around every year, let alone every day.
IF you are looking for a worthy addition to your annual Christmas movie rotation...then you should watch Noelle.
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