2016
Director: Temple Mathews
Writers: Temple Mathews
Stars: Manon Mathews, Shawn Roe and Nancy Van Irdestine as “Cat Lady”
Holiday Score: 6
This movie packs a bunch of holidays into one movie.
Romance Score: 2
So many of the relationships in this movie are broken. It actually makes me reconsider romance at all.
Comedy Score: 2
It's kind of funny, but not really.
Holiday Breakup is a movie about Chloe played by Manon Mathews and Jeff played by Shawn Roe. Two single people living in LA. And what better place to have a holiday movie than in California. What says winter holidays more than palm trees and warm weather. But this has nothing to do with my review.
So Chloe and Jeff are in LA. The story starts with Chloe explaining how she is just so happy and she doesn’t need to grow up or a real job or a man. Sister, if that was true then this would be a short movie. In the middle of making her
excuses, Chloe bumps into Jeff, literally, she rear-ends his car. Now, I know this is a low-budget movie and the effects department is non-existent, but there was no damage to the cars. None. Couldn’t they at least find a couple of cars that already had damage? Attention to detail people.
Anyway, Chloe is cute and funny and convinces Jeff that he doesn’t need to sue her for everything she has, including her magically dent-free car. Dang, I just can’t get over that. Dented cars are everywhere and cheap as heck. Anyway, as Chloe is about to walk away scott-free when she realizes that she can continue to use Jeff for her gain. It just so happens that it’s the 4th of July and Jeff is handsome enough to pass off as her pretend date so her horrible family will stop bugging her to get a man...that she doesn’t need.
Chloe and Jeff spend the day with her family and, boom, we have fireworks, but only because they watch the fireworks together. Ok, I’m getting too detailed here. Long review short, they end up actually liking each other. They are a cute couple. Jeff is serious and boring. Chloe is silly and fun. Opposite attracted, just like a magnet or cats and dogs or Germans and the French. Pay attention to my examples.
But, before you know it, we hit the title of the movie, Holiday Breakup. Thanks to Chloe’s fear of growing up, Jeff’s jack-ass Dad and just plain life, Chloe and Jeff call it quits. Let me say something about Jeff’s Dad. The jerk store called to refuse to sell Jeff’s Dad because he is too jerky for them. He’s what happens when beef jerky gets old and crusty. They made a movie about Jeff’s Dad called “The Jerk 2” and it was terrible because it was a sequel with different actors and because Jeff’s Dad is an actual jerk.
Jeff’s Dad wins the jerk-of-the-year award not only because he tries to tell his son who he should love, but because he uses the word “winner” outside of a sport or game. He’s talking about winning...at life. The only time someone should talk about winning at life is when they have a car full of blue and pink pegs and you are hoping to land on the doctor career.
So Chloe and Jeff break up, but they miss each other, except when they are with each other and then they don’t. That’s a confusing sentence because it’s a bit confusing to watch. Remember my German/French comparison? It’s like that. Apart: “I miss your wine.” “I miss your sauerkraut.” Together: “Your are snobby and rude!” “You invaded me, twice!”
Anyway, while arguing like cats and dogs they decide the one thing that is worse than arguing with your ex is letting your family and friends be concerned about you over the holidays because you just broke up with your boy/girl friend.
They hatch the brilliant scheme to pretend to be together just for the holidays so no one knows they are alone. I will say that the premise isn’t terrible, but how they get there and how it plays out is terrible. I’m not going to spoil the rest of the movie for you because I know you’ll want to watch it after reading this review, but I will say there were many times I wanted to yell at the screen, “Just break up for good already!”
So here are my issues with this movie. First, at the different holiday events Chloe and Jeff attend they go from “I can’t believe we are doing this, I so don’t like you” to “oh, you’re so sweet, maybe I do like you” to “Ugh, you suck”. Just when you think they are growing closer together they change their minds. Often the good feelings end because Jeff suggests they have breakup/makeup/fake relationship sex. Dude, you aren’t together, keep it in your pants. What a jerk. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Second, for a supposedly romantic movie, it sure makes love and relationships look terrible. No couple in this movie is happy. I’ve already mentioned Chloe and Jeff’s tribute to romance. We also see everyone from Jeff’s parents to Chloe’s parents to Chloe’s sister also have serious issues. I know that no relationship is perfect. We all have issues, but despite our issues I think most of us are happy. It’s no wonder Chloe and Jeff break up, they have terrible role models. The theme of this movie feels more, "like there is no hope, turn back now!"
My last complaint is the music. I usually don’t think too much about the background music in a movie. Probably because it is usually done well enough. In Holiday Breakup the music is cheap and cheezy. I think America’s Funniest Home Videos has a larger music budget. It’s like Napoleon Dynamite only it isn’t meant to be funny. This movie has a decent premise and I actually like Chloe’s character, but that is all the nice things I can say about it. Jeff is a jerk. His Dad is a super jerk. The interactions between Chloe and Jeff make me wish for a better fate for Chloe and for everyone who watches it.
If you are looking for a holiday movie that encourages you to listen to your heart and love who you love...you should look somewhere else. If you want a movie that puts its characters in awkward situations and doesn’t reward you with humour or heart...then you should watch Holiday Breakup.
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