2018
Director: Mark Jean
Writers: Mark Jean
Staring: Eloise Mumford, Sean Farris, Jacob Blair, Amanda Lisman and Tony Craig as “Reverend Terry”
<This movie review is brought to you by Whitney's inside voice. When your real thoughts will get you in real trouble, use your inside voice. When you see the <>, that's me trying to use my inside voice.
Also brought to you by the letter "F".>
See this movie if...you’re a veteran, married to a veteran, child of a veteran, related to a veteran, know a veteran or know of a veteran and you really like Christmas romance movies.
Don't see this movie if…you don’t like veterans, dogs or love.
<Dang, I guess I’m watching this movie. I'm not a monster.>
First off, I watched this movie on November 11. That’s Remembrance Day for us Canadians and Veterans Day for our neighbours to the south. I have the utmost respect for those who have served or are currently serving in the military. I have great uncles who served in WWII. Their sacrifice and the sacrifice of others allow us the freedoms we currently enjoy and, all to often, take for granted.
I mention that because I just don’t know if I can follow my regular schtick and make fun of this movie. Maybe it's my gratitude for those in the military. Maybe it's because this movie really isn’t so bad. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons to poke fun at it, but, it just doesn’t feel right so I’ll do my best to give a fair and normal movie review. I promise...to try...we’ll see.
A Veteran’s Christmas stars Eloise Mumford as marine veteran Grace Garland who served two tours in Afghanistan before being honorably discharged.
<Hold it together Whitney. I know the main character has not just one, but two Christmas related names, but remember the veterans. But they named her after a decoration! Fine.>
She started as an engineer, but transferred to search and rescue where she created a bond with her trusty K-9 named Christmas.
<Whitney, don't do it! But they named the dog Christmas! CHRISTMAS! Think of all the jokes I could make like "How do you get Christmas to come to River's Crossing? You call it." or "Do you think Santa will mark Christmas as a good boy?" or "What’s the best gift for Christmas? Christmas!" Fine.>
Unfortunately, while Grace was discharged, Christmas won’t be coming home to Ohio this year. <That's a straight pun, not a joke.> To be clear, Christmas the holiday will come to Ohio, but Christmas the dog will not. I guess that’s obvious as Christmas will come to every city, state and country…except for...nope, I said I wouldn’t make fun so I’m not going to do it. I’ll just keep it to my inside voice.
<Except for Boston that is. It's a horrible place filled with terrible people like Matt Damon and their football team cheats and their hockey team licks people and they say stupid things like "Pack tha ca in Havad Yad." Worst of all, in the 17th century they actually cancelled Christmas. They will get coal and soggy tea in their stocking every year until they learn what Christmas is all about.>
Grace has accepted an engineering job in Ohio and is driving her new car there when she hits a patch of ice and crashes in the little town of River’s Crossing .
<Dear River's Crossing, your name is only the third most quaint town name in the state behind Homestead, Mapleton and Slickpoo. Yes, Slickpoo is a real town name and it's funny because it's named after a real person...and because I'm a 14-year-old boy on the inside.>
Luckily she only has a minor head wound.
<Minor head wound? Is that what you need to enjoy this movie? Ouch, literally. Come on Whit, you promised. Fine.>
She gets out of the car and is met by a friendly dog. Not her dog, but, yes it all ties together perfectly. The cute mutt leads her to the closest house which happens to be the house of the very eligible local circuit judge, Joe Peterson (Sean Faris).
The judge takes Grace to the local mechanic who gives her the bad news that it will take weeks to fix her car. The judge offers her a place to stay and offers to show her some true River’s Crossing Christmas hospitality.
Will River’s Crossing Christmas charm be enough to lift Grace’s spirits?
<You know it will otherwise why are we watching this movie!>
Will Joe fall for the grizzled war vet?
<Joe: "You had me at 'Hello, I’ve been in a car accident. I bumped my head, I think I might have a concussion.'">
Will Joe’s charm be enough to woo the grizzled vet Grace?
<Grace: "You had me at 'I own a dog.'">
Will Grace’s car ever get fixed?
<Not if the slimy town judge as anything to do with it. Dang, there is more to say than I thought. I guess as long as this is my inside voice I'm just gonna let if flow.>
Well, you’ll have to watch to find out and I think it’s worth it. I liked A Veteran’s Christmas. So what do I like about this movie? I don’t mind the story. Sure it hits all the classic Christmas movie tropes and you can pretty much predict what is going to happen, but the story is as sweet as you would expect any Hallmark holiday movie to be.
<Sweet meaning totally cheesy, but if you don’t expect a little or a lot of cheese with a movie like this then that’s on you. It’s “on you” like mushed carrots all over a baby’s face or cheese all over a pot-head who puts his mouth under the 7-11 nacho cheese dispenser. "I’m just weezen the juice man.">
I also like the characters and felt myself rooting for them. I also dare say that I think this movie has a combination of decent writing and good acting.
<Woah, pump the breaks here dude. Which is exactly what Grace should have done. Hey-oooooo! Anyway, when I say decent writing, I should clarify that it didn't have as many twists and turns as White Christmas. Who wasn't shocked when it snowed at the end? It didn't have a wonderful message like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Bosses be greedy! It didn't tug at the heart-strings like A Christmas Prince. She just wanted to write a greasy expose on the royal family, is that too much to ask? And it wasn't as funny as Jack Frost. Ok, that was a low blow, but did this movie have too many law jokes? Guilty as charged. What I meant is that I didn't want to shout obscenities at the TV or make a voodoo doll of the characters so I can make them behave reasonably.>
I actually think I can feel some of Grace’s sadness from the war and at leaving her dog behind. Joe actually has to make a decision at one point.
<A decision that isn't about adding whipped cream to his hot chocolate. That's a no-brainer like being asked if you want bacon with that. Well of course I do. Bacon and hot chocolate sound great.>
The sheriff has more than one emotion and that’s kind of interesting for a change.
<Oh Sheriff, you so crazy. At times I think you're more Rosco P. Coltrane and at times I think you're more Rick Grimes. "I'm not the good guy anymore. Kew-kew-kew!" >
Don’t get me wrong, no one is winning an Oscar for their performance, but for this movie, I’ll take it.
Look, I made it through the whole review without writing anything rude or nasty about this movie. I’m impressed with myself. I’m developing real self control. It’s a good thing you can’t read my inner most thoughts.
<Or you might know that I actually really like these movies.>
If you are looking for a movie that explores how it really feels for a soldier to come home from war around Christmas time...you should definitely look somewhere else.
If you are looking for a good <Hallmark good> Christmas movie involving a veteran, a judge, a sheriff, a small town, a couple of dogs, hot chocolate, skating and an International Harvester Scout...then you should watch A Veteran’s Christmas.
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