Our Little Secret

"Can you keep a secret? I can wiggle my ears. Just kidding, I can barely move my lips."

Released: 2024

Stars: Lindsey Lohan, Ian Harding, Kristin Chenoweth, Jon Rudnitsky, and Tim Meadows as Stan

Where to Watch: Netflix

Review Overview

Holiday score: 6

Romance score: 3

Comedy score: 4

The Full Review 

Today I am reviewing the movie Our Little Secret. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Another Netflix Christmas movie with Linsey Lohan? What the fetch!?! Netflix, stop trying to make Linsey Lohan happen.

She's not going to happen." Well, my friend, you are wrong. Insightful, but wrong. Netflix will stop making Lindsey Lohan holi-rom-coms when we all stop watching Lindsey Lohan holi-rom-coms...and we aren't going to stop watching Lindsey Lohan holi-rom-coms. Perhaps we love the genre so much, so we'll watch anything. (You're thinking that you won't watch just holi-rom-com, but let's not lie to ourselves.) Maybe we are willing to watch Lindsey Lohan movies because we love to watch a good train wreck. (Now I bet you're thinking that you're a good person who would never take joy in someone else's pain, but let's not lie to ourselves.) Perhaps you say the cat stepped on the remote and turned on Netflix and it magically started this movie and you just kept watching it. (OK, now you're thinking that you don't have a cat and you don't believe in magic, but let's not lie to ourselves.)

Our Little Secret is a movie about Avery, played by Lindsey Lohan, and Logan, played by Ian Harding. Avery and Logan were childhood friends who turned into something more and then turned into something a lot less. They last saw each other in 2014 when Logan proposed and Avery rejected him like he wore pink on a Thursday. Seriously, Avery rejects Logan's proposal faster than an African jungle cat tracks down a gazelle. A good movie would take that tragic event and make it light-hearted and funny or make it heartbreaking and sad. A great movie would do both. This movie does neither. Booo.

Fast forward to now. It's Christmas time and Avery and Logan are dating new people and living in the same town again. Avery, now a successful business woman (I think?), is dating Cameron, a successful businessman(I think?), while Logan is dating someone half his age, so I guess he's the successful one in that relationship. Hey-ooooooooo. Anyway, Avery and Cameron visit Avery's dad before going to Cameron's parent's home to spend Christmas. While Logan and Cassie visit Logan's mom and grandma before going to Cassie's parent's home to spend Christmas. You see what is happening here? Please tell me you see what is happening here. I know you've read enough of my reviews to see the writing in the burn-book. Fine, I'll just tell you that Cameron's parents and Cassie's parents just happen to be the same people because they are brother and sister.

When Avery and Logan come face-to-face for the first time in a decade and Avery has the bright idea to pretend they don't know each other. Why? Is it because Avery is scared Logan will reveal she has been living in Africa? Nope, cause that would be dope. Is it because Avery is afraid Logan will tell everyone she was homeschooled? Nu-uh, but I think everyone will figure it out when she talks about men fighting the dinosaurs. Is it because Avery is terrified Logan will reveal that she is fake and totally plastic? Nah, I think the lack of wrinkles on someone in their late-thirties gave it away. I don't know if Avery actually states why she wants to pretend they don't know each other, but I assume it's because she thinks it will be awkward. Yeah, that's a great reason to lie.

So we have Avery and Logan trying to make a good impression on their partner's parents (that's fun to say), while pretending not to know each other. Oh, I love me a good 80s sitcom situation. Will Avery and Logan succeed in lying to their partners just to avoid some awkwardness? You've seen a rom-com before, what do you think? Will they make a good impression on their partner's parents (still fun to say)? Again, you've seen a rom-come before, what do you think? Will Avery and Logan rekindle their romance that was destroyed in an instant a decade ago? Well, you'll have to watch Our Little Secret to find out, but truly you really shouldn't.

Holiday: 6

At first I didn't think this movie had much holiday spirit, but then I watched it again a realized it does have its moments. It's the first holi-rom-com I've seen where they do secret Santa. It's a true holiday tradition for some and allows Logan to say to Avery, "Get in loser, we're going shopping." Classic Logan. Avery and Logan cut down a Christmas tree. It's another beautiful because it's the same in every country. Everyone goes to church around Christmas where Avery gets high as a kite. But it's ok, the priest said if she is going to get high, he rather she do it in the church. Lastly, there are plenty of awkward moments with family. Now what says the holidays more than fighting with your cousin Karen who thinks that there aren't any white people in Africa and your aunt Gretchen who thinks she isn't like a regular aunt, she's a cool aunt because she doesn't have any rules in her house and your cousin Glen Coco who thinks they are so cool because they got four Candy-Cane-Grams. You go Glen Coco.

Romance: 3

Oh boy. This movie is very, very light on the romance side of things. It's so light on romance, it could use a few Kalteen bars to gain some weight. Some movies are too sweet, some are too bland, and some movies you hate the protagonists so much you wish they would get hit by a bus. The problem with this movie was that I honestly didn't didn't believe they liked each other. I didn't think they liked each other when they were kids, I didn't think they liked each other when they were together, and I didn't think there was some underling attraction when they were trying to lie to their partners.

I want a romantic movie to make me feel like the main characters can't stop from falling in love with each other. Like there is some gravitational pull that is forcing them together. Instead we get two characters whose only reason for getting together is to get away from their current partner and their crazy mom.

Comedy: 4

OK, this movie had a few hits and a few misses. There is actually a point in the movie where it feels like the hour you've wasted on the movie so far will pay off in one glorious confrontation...but then it fizzles. It feels like the movie sets up killer joke, but then loses the courage to tell the punchline.

The screen writer may ask, what about the scene in the church scene where Avery is high as a kite? Comedy gold? Yeah, because getting high in a church has always been the height of comedy. You know, it might have worked, but before it delivered, someone in the church realized Avery wasn't part of that congregation and shouted, "She doesn't even go here!" Busted.

Final Thoughts

If you are looking for a holi-rom-com that showcases Lindsey Lohan's adept acting skills and clever comedic timing...you should probably look somewhere else.

If you are looking for a holi-rom-com makes you think of another movie with Lindsey Lohan and is way, WAY better...then you should watch Our Little Secret.

And if you realized at some point that my review intentionally referenced the best Lindsey Lohan movie ever and you started counting the references. The answer to the total number of Mean Girls references is sixteen.